Some days it is really difficult to keep it together. However, I have complete faith that everything will work out. It always does; sometimes it just doesn't happen the way we would like. I think that the biggest lesson I'm still struggling with most is when to let go and when to stand firm.
Things I have learned to let go for the sake of my family and my sanity:
- my job: even though I was in the position to run my Dad's business from his house with tot in tow, I came to the quick realization that I was doing both jobs half-assed
- our house: we were struggling when I was working full time; when I quit working at "home" F/T and went back to my P/T afternoon job it just wasn't enough to pay the bills. Though we still have our house, we will soon be saying good-bye to it and the dreams we had of restoring it and raising our family in it.
- all the little extras: date nights out, getting hair done, movie dates with mom and sister, vacations, eating out, etc.
- free time: what is that again?? scrapbooking? card-making? hour-long walks? teaching karate? reading books that don't have pictures in them from cover to cover? give me 27 hours in a day and maybe I'll get back to some of these... I suppose I could let go of blogging...
- my hang-ups: not letting the hub's dirty dishes, socks, and undies strewn about get me angry
- my pride: humbled am I, but gratitude and hope remains
- the idea that I have to be everything to everyone: trying to make everyone happy all the time is exhausting and impossible
My husband and I sometimes have some very different priorities and values. Sometimes this difference in perspective makes us a great team. Sometimes I can't stand to even be around him because of this. We went around and around about the pros and cons of the work and house issues. I had to learn to stand up to him on these issues, because I know that this time with our son is precious and fleeting. It may be selfish, but I was not willing to work FT to keep our house, sacrificing the opportunity to be the one raising our son.
Over the past 5 1/2 years of our blessed union, I have learned many things. One of the most important is to choose my battles very carefully. I love my husband with all my heart and as difficult as it is some days, our marriage is not something I will "let go."