"When a great adventure is offered, you do not refuse it." Amelia Earhart

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Letting Go

The past few months have been extremely challenging for my family on several levels. Our well dried up, we have moved my dear MIL and Nana into our house, we lost our dog (our first child, really) Rocket, our A/C units have totally crapped out, we moved (and are still moving) MIL and Nana out of our house, both of our cars need work, and the list goes on and on. We are in a very bad financial place and our marriage is suffering the strains of the pressure that has been applied to nearly all areas of our life.

Some days it is really difficult to keep it together. However, I have complete faith that everything will work out. It always does; sometimes it just doesn't happen the way we would like. I think that the biggest lesson I'm still struggling with most is when to let go and when to stand firm.

Things I have learned to let go for the sake of my family and my sanity:
  • my job: even though I was in the position to run my Dad's business from his house with tot in tow, I came to the quick realization that I was doing both jobs half-assed
  • our house: we were struggling when I was working full time; when I quit working at "home" F/T and went back to my P/T afternoon job it just wasn't enough to pay the bills. Though we still have our house, we will soon be saying good-bye to it and the dreams we had of restoring it and raising our family in it.
  • all the little extras: date nights out, getting hair done, movie dates with mom and sister, vacations, eating out, etc.
  • free time: what is that again?? scrapbooking? card-making? hour-long walks? teaching karate? reading books that don't have pictures in them from cover to cover? give me 27 hours in a day and maybe I'll get back to some of these... I suppose I could let go of blogging...
  • my hang-ups: not letting the hub's dirty dishes, socks, and undies strewn about get me angry
  • my pride: humbled am I, but gratitude and hope remains
  • the idea that I have to be everything to everyone: trying to make everyone happy all the time is exhausting and impossible

My husband and I sometimes have some very different priorities and values. Sometimes this difference in perspective makes us a great team. Sometimes I can't stand to even be around him because of this. We went around and around about the pros and cons of the work and house issues. I had to learn to stand up to him on these issues, because I know that this time with our son is precious and fleeting. It may be selfish, but I was not willing to work FT to keep our house, sacrificing the opportunity to be the one raising our son.

Over the past 5 1/2 years of our blessed union, I have learned many things. One of the most important is to choose my battles very carefully. I love my husband with all my heart and as difficult as it is some days, our marriage is not something I will "let go."


  1. I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time. If it makes you feel any better, you kinda sound like me.

    I was a teacher at a private school and after my maternity leave and summer, there just wasn't a job for me to go back to. I've done some tutoring and my hubby finally got his long over due promotion....just in time for the rent to go up $200/month.

    While it is difficult as we watch most of our friends buying their first homes (we are in LA, I don't know how!), we know that we are making the right decision for us to keep me at home, not buy a house we can't afford, and let go of many of the things you said.

    I know it's tough, especially sometimes on your marriage. But let me assure you, it does and will get better. I'm always here if you need a virtual hug or just someone who understands. I hope it gets better soon!

  2. Thanks, Nina! And that is exactly why I wrote this -- I know so many others are struggling right now.

  3. You have had a rough time! So sorry to hear about your dog. I know how hard that is.
    We let go of the extras when we had the twins and I started working part time. We save up for special family outings and skip eating out and movies and hair cuts and such. I think it makes you appreciate the little treats that you do get a lot more, and in that way, it makes life more fun. :-) It took a lot of work from myself and my husband to get to this point, and we still try to help keep each other in check with spending at all times.

  4. So sorry to hear that you are struggling. You write with a open and deep feeling way, and maybe blogging isn't the thing you should give up. Getting it all down might help.

    Some day these struggles will be behind you, and you will be left with a wonderful little family that you built day by day.

    Hang in there. You have great insight and seem to know what's important.

  5. "Everything will work out... sometimes it just doesn't happen the way we would like." I love that you wrote that, and I believe it to be true. Hang in there... you sound like you are doing an amazing job keeping things together. Hope things get better soon...


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